I am lost!

Today I spent close to an hour sitting outside someone else's house, then walking to beneath a tree,playing endlessly with the twigs scattered on the ground and then strolling to the gate outside the block and waiting there with my eyes fixed on all the cars that passed by. And all the time I was totally drenched and smeared with tons of colors in such a way that no body could walk by without giving me a staring look. And why all this? Because I refused to go to someone's house to play holi with rest of the people with whom I was playing. How stupid and idiotic I am that I still let these things effect my actions or rather inactions in this case. I am stupid enough to still look for happiness n appreciation from others when I know I can so make myself contented with my own self world. I am still idiot enough to expect a level of understanding from others when I know I am so bad in making people understand me...