I am scared, quite scared because I too have an elder sister and maybe I will have a wife someday. I am scared because of people’s ideologue.
If I talk of a girl being asked to do things as per her in-laws wish which no matter how illogical they are, I hear people say “She is a girl, she will have to bend.” “She is the one who has to adjust.”
And I am not scared because these lines are uttered by some male chauvinist guy but rather conveyed by someone from her own gender.
I always found that more than authoritarian male it’s the female head of the family who is more hell bent on making life hell for her daughter in law. And I simply can’t understand that how at that time she forgets that when she was at her place these were the same things that she didn’t like but rather than making sure that the same is not repeated when she has the power she is more or less determined to make sure that the girl goes through the same discomfort as she went through. The customs, traditions and so called culture of which she is now the enforcer are something she herself whole heartedly didn’t like when she was first asked to follow.
I feel disgusted when people say that a girl has to be kept within limits at her in-laws place then only she will accept or respect us, our tradition. It’s just like saying that when an animal baby is born its tied with a rope to a post and it tries to get free in the beginning but slowly slowly it gets used to its limitation and thus when later you remove the rope, it never goes beyond that because in its mind it still believes that its beyond its limits.
If I talk in general then we all know customs, traditions etc are something that were created for our own comfort but now we have just become slave of them and no matter how educated we become we are still naïve enough to blindly follow them no matter how much discomfort they cause.
I am sorry but I am really really disappointed with our education system, with our culture, with our traditions. No matter how literate we become we still don’t develop the logical ideologue required to purify the society. And even if we do, we cannot muster the courage and strength to stand for them.
And when people who are brought up in a well to do family , who are sufficiently educated, have to go through all this then we cannot even imagine what illiterate and lower class female folks have to go through.
No I can’t let this happen to me or my sister or to my female friends. They are not brought up to live their life as per others wish. They are not educated to live against their wish. Yes family is very much important and a daughter-in-law deserves to live with her in laws but in a cordial and happy environment, not in one where her every wish and want is squashed, where she is asked to bend or compromise at everything. A female as human doesn’t deserve this.
And more than anyone else a woman needs a woman to support her.