I so wish....

Feeling so sorry today....I simply don't have the authority to tell you that Go ahead , do what you want to do..... In fact to be honest more than the authority I don't have the will power to stand against it and fight for it...... I can't see them frustrated everyday ...longing for you to come back , get married asap..even when they see that there is such a high probability that this might result in you foregoing everything that you have achieved so far... I just don't understand why our society is so hell bent in getting everybody married... why they don't see that this sole purpose of their life so prevents them from enjoying life...

 

As I told you, the only thing I can do at present is hope that the path that they are forcing on you should eventually lead you to the path that you want to follow...hope that your life partner not only let you take that path but whole heartedly supports you on that....

 

Right now I can do anything for that  to get fulfilled..

Why get married ??? Part I....

For long time I had the cushion of having an elder sister who is yet to get married and then the fact that I am quite confident of talking my parents out of getting me married.

But now since its very likely that my sis is gonna get married in a year or two and also my parents every now n then brings up the topic of getting me sacrificed too, I have started to weigh this possibilty of scummbing to their pressure. Another reason being the fact that in the last few months I have seen parents of my friends going through so much while arranging for their weddings , be it meeting or talking with the reluctant parents of the bride, or searching for prospective brides for them, or making arrangements etc. So somehow I don't want to cause undue tensions among my folks by being too adamant.

But I still want to plan everything out according to my terms.

It seems its gonna be a huge post so I plan to split it into two, so that those souls who somehow will be generous enough to start reading it won't be forced to leave it midway :)

The first part I plan to talk about is why I don't want to get married and in the second I will talk what all I want first to happen.

Ok so coming to this post.

There are two primary reason for my aversion to getting married.

Even when I used to think that someday I may be in a relationship with "Her" I never visualised myself getting married to her. Ok thats another thing that with her I never wanted anything other than being a closest friend but still one or two times when it did cross my mind I never felt the conviction for that to happen. This was because, also happens to be the second reason, I am not comfortable with the fact that in India a marriage is not just the official bonding of two people ,rather its coming together of two whole families and that too not only at the second generation level but also at generation preceding to that. I just cannot accept that people who will have no say or interest in my life will play a role during that time. To be more clear I am most uncomfortable with the ceremonies around marriage. I don't understand why we have lavish ceremonies and why can't we keep it to some low key. To most of the people it doesn't matter that you are getting married , for them its just food, fun and photos. I do appreciate some genuine people and the fun we have but I really don't understand the need for all that fuss. I will prefer a low key court marriage followed by dinner with our immediate family.

So coming to the first primary reason,its the fact I din't want an arrange marriage because I feel an arrange marriage is a forced marriage between two people who leave spending time together would have never talked at all if they have not been asked initially by their parents. I know marriage's second name is adjustment , adjustment with your wishes , with your wants , with your desires but atleast in love marriage you or the other person is not adjusting with their choice. I agree that in arranged marriage too we get a chance to select the one we want to marry but still since the first meeting till the day it gets fixed there is lot of pretention and favorable environment that makes it happen. Also you are asked to decide in few meetings. Somehow it lacks the genuineness of love marriage where you genuinely get to know and spend time with each other beforehand.

To be continued.....

Mangal Mangal ....

Image taken from http://www.yogiji.ca/images/indian-astrology.jpg

Our society is simply amazing .

Here we get two people married, who forget love, even don't know each other well and expect that this marriage will work for sure as their Kundlis match . And at the same time we won't let two people marry who love each other , who happen to know each other for more than year , just because their kundlis don't match and the astrologer has "predicted" that the marriage won't work.

Is it justified ? How can kundli's or astrology determine some people's future? Does people whose kundli match in all respects don't have problems in their marriage or if they decide to spend their life just on what is predicted from Kundli without making efforts , their marriage will work?

Nope it won't . But still why our elders are so hell bent on doing things as per astrology? Why don't they understand that a relation is successful based on the willingness and efforts of the parties involved.

Brahmin ka ladka and kayastha ki ladki contd...

Just after reaching home I was surfing through the tv channels and by chance landed on a movie channel which was airing Dil Chahta Hai. Just the last 20 minutes were left. Its one movie which although I see every time its aired but only the first half till Aamir and Priety's love story starts. After that I can't watch it. But today since it was coming to end I just watched.

The scene where Aamir proposes to Priety on her wedding day was being shown and it just made me think what I have always believed that if the girl n boy both have strong mutual feelings for each other then they just get filled with so much confidence that they can take on any hardships or obstacle that might come in their path.

So just after watching this scene I thought about writing this post.

So as I was telling that my friend and that girl(That girl sounds little rude so I will have to quickly think of some nicknames for both). So lets call them Ram Prasad and Soni. So Ram Prasad is UP ka brahmin and Soni is Punjab di Kudi. ( Although Ram Prasad sounds like a UP Ka Bhaiya but he is not. He is a hunk)

So if Ram Prasad is shudh Sakahari then Soni relishes eating all kind of non veg products. Although for Ram Prasad, Soni has stopped eating non veg (something which I don't agree because I may not stop eating something for someone so why should someone else, but obviously when in Love you do anything). This is something that Ram Prasad thinks are part of numerous reasons on which his family will protest. Another being the fact that Soni is Manglik something that is worse then the person being a criminal. But our Ram Prasad is an Idealistic guy so he thinks these things are immaterial and also he says that if he finalise a girl then he will try not to let the families match the kundalis even as he doesn't want any mismatch to cause any negative psychological effect.

I don't feel not matching the kundalis is practically possible but not taking any mismatch seriously is.

Now Soni's family want her to marry a Punjabi guy and even Ram Prasad's family too will want him to marry someone from their own caste. So overall Miyan Bibi are going to be razi but might be some issues with the kazis.

So all this and what I felt while watching Dil Chagta Hai that is what I want to share.

When he was sharing all these problems I told him see if both of you get serious about each other then no matter how big issues might arise but we will definitely try our best to resolve them. We are not going to give up without at least talking to both set of families. We will give our best to convince n resolve the differences.

I don't know but somehow I also get that confidence in those cases, for my friends, to face up to their issues and also the believe that they will be overcome with effort. I always feel and tell my friends that I will talk for them in that case but won't give up without trying.

He also feels that may be their relation itself will run into some problems or conflicts or some differences will arise between the two. I agree its too premature right now and you cannot predict future but I feel Best relations are not the ones which don't have any problems but they are the one which overcome all problems successfully.

So hoping for the best.